Who…ME!?

Hmmm

Sitting in the van today, a question came to mind that I thought I’d pass along to you.

If I were married to me, would I be satisfied, pleased, frustrated, ready to scream, etc.? Would I have asked me to marry me? Would I have said “yes” to me? Would I want to be married to me? What about you…would you have married “yourself” and better yet, would you love being married to “you”?

Until later . . .

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Whatcha Sayin’? #7

1980's Boy George

If you’ve followed from the beginning of this series through to this point, I want to offer you a challenge.  Here’s what I’d like you to do…please…for me?  Please?  I want you to (you, need you to) talk with your sweetie; communicate with them on a sub-atomic level.  In a conversation (NOT when emotions are churning) invite them to share with you the top ten thing or words that hurts their feelings before you guys met, things that they’d rather you not use or ever do. 

You might want to think about it ahead of time, about the things that hurt you from your past.  Then…if they ask you, you’ll be ready to express your heart and let them know the things that others have done in your past to hurt you.

I know this is a big thing to ask.  But you can do it … the quality of your marriage depends on it.   

Until later . . .

P.S. For more relational fodder (tid-bits for mauling over), click around on some of the tags on the side.  Wanna do me a favor?  Pass my post or blog on to your friends or spouse.  I’d love to get your feedback … what would you like to see me write about … what is your favorite posting … etcetera!!!  To reply, click here or scroll down to the ”Leave a Reply” box.

Whatcha Sayin’? #6

Codification & Decodification of Communication

Affect communication?  You betcha…and in a bad way!!  The problem is, there’s this unknown distortion going on…behind your, or your spouses, ears.  Once one of you is attacked or broadsided by a previous scenario, you are mentally handcuffed, unable to process your feelings (let alone explain the emotional turmoil going on inside).  Those neglected hurts lead to defensive reactions and the “communication” opportunities plummet in smoke.  These sort of things/words are hard to predict.  And without intervention, they’re hard to put a finger on and will probably happen more than you’d hoped.

To one level or another, we all have this issue in our marriage, but how do you find yours?  Well, it’s a code, and your relational-life depends on it, so sleuth your way to a better marriage.  Finding, remembering, and avoiding those encoded messages would be your objective.  Also, it would be beneficial to figure out what your “code words” are.  After a little while, you’ll be able to successfully communicate with your lover.  If you’re working on your own code words, you’ll realize that the way they’re received is vastly different than how your spouse, that loves and cares for you, means/says them.

Until later . . .

P.S. For more relational fodder (tid-bits for mauling over), click around on some of the tags on the side.  Wanna do me a favor?  Pass my post or blog on to your friends or spouse.  I’d love to get your feedback … what would you like to see me write about … what is your favorite posting … etcetera!!!  To reply, click here or scroll down to the ”Leave a Reply” box.                 

Whatcha Sayin’? #5

Does Bud hear what's really on Dorothy mind?

Culture and experience can lead to some pretty amazingly different understandings.  An example: Let’s pretend that she was told repeatedly by her parents that she was just a “silly little girl” in a condescending and devaluing manner.  Then one day her husband says that she’s acting “silly.”  Because of the negative culture she grew up in, she couldn’t hear that she was being funny but rather she’s stupid and useless.

Another example: A boy’s father would say “nah, that’s not important” as a way of dismissing something that he didn’t want to talk about or do.  Now, when his wife says “I don’t think that is all that important,” due to his past experiences, what he hears is that what she wants or feels is more important than anything he has to say to do.

Or a final example: her previous boyfriend always complimented her just prior to trying to “get some.”  Now, whenever she hears her hubby compliment her appearances, she’s really hearing that he’s just trying to get sex.  Why? Because of the emotionally charged experiences she had of being sexually used, an object.

How does that affect communication?  Come back for the next portion of this…deep…issue.

Until later . . .

P.S. For more relational fodder (tid-bits for mauling over), click around on some of the tags on the side.  Wanna do me a favor?  Pass my post or blog on to your friends or spouse.  I’d love to get your feedback … what would you like to see me write about … what is your favorite posting … etcetera!!!  To reply, click here or scroll down to the ”Leave a Reply” box.

Whatcha Sayin’? #4

Influences in English vocabulary

Just like the North and South examples clearly showed (maybe exaggeratedly, maybe not) a large disparity between how one speaks “English” and how another might speak “English.”  Brides and Grooms are the same way…same words…different meanings.  Why, well, some of it’s sexually oriented (no, not coital but gender oriented). 

For instance, if a wife said to her hubby, “why don’t we play a game this evening?” she’d really be saying “we could play a game together tonight, but what I’d really like is turning off any distractions and just being with you for fun.”    Now a man, taking the same thing would have heard one of two things: 1) “The day has been full of busy-ness, now all I want to do is something boring, like play a game.” Or 2) he might hear her say, “The last time you beat me playing a game; I think I can beat you if you’re man enough to play me again.”  He’d hear an element of competition where she’s just wanting to spend time together…doing something “fun.”

Other differences could be caused by culture or personal past experiences.  Next time I’ll take a closer look at that side of things.

Until later . . .

P.S. For more relational fodder (tid-bits for mauling over), click around on some of the tags on the side.  Wanna do me a favor?  Pass my post or blog on to your friends or spouse.  I’d love to get your feedback … what would you like to see me write about … what is your favorite posting … etcetera!!!  To reply, click here or scroll down to the ”Leave a Reply” box.

Whatcha Sayin’? #3

A Bright Green . . . Tuque?

Okay, now for a little taste of my years living and yes traveling in the North.  This example is so very accurate for those that have been my neighbors for so many years.  The weather is the first thing that just about everyone brings up.  So without further adieu:

Uff-da, it’s gettin’ chilly, gotta take my boughten choppers and tuque outta my beg and put them on for whippin’ shitties with my sled…it’s aboot twenny below…wanna come with?

Translation:

Wow, it’s cold outside. I need to take my store-bought mittens and knit hat out of the bag and put them on so that I can do doughnuts in the parking lot with my snowmobile.  It is almost twenty degrees below zero … would you like to come with me?

Now obviously, if I were a Southerner and someone asked me if I wanted to “whip shitties,” I’d probably get “awl wirked-up” because they were cussin’ at me…but they wouldn’t be.  Southerners say they speak English and Northerners say they speak English…but there seems to be some linguistic breakdowns here. 

In the next post, I’ll bring this Northern/Southern example home and show how it demonstrates the plight married couples face quite regularly.

Until later . . .

P.S. For more relational fodder (tid-bits for mauling over) click around on some of the tags on the side.  Wanna do me a favor?  Pass my post or blog on to your friends or spouse.  I’d love to get your feedback … what would you like to see me write about … what is your favorite posting … etcetera!!!  To reply, click here or scroll down to the ”Leave a Reply” box.                 

Whatcha Sayin’? #2

Wal-Mart

In my years of living and traveling in and through the South, this sort of conversation, even a simple topic of hunting, could be heard (keep in mind that each “word” would take about 1.3 seconds to pronounce).

I’m raught beholden to ya fir loanin’ me zat thar huntin’ dawg.  We shore-nuff had a lotta fun! Diji-no dat skeeters n chigger were sumpum fierce…day annoy da hale outta me? Shootfire! Ah was smackdab in da middle o grass dis ta’ an I figger aw’ auta use dat dawggone earl dat Jed bought at Wally-World.

Translation:

Thank you for letting me borrow your hunting dog.  We had a lot of fun!  Did you know that mosquitoes and biting bugs were really bad and they really bother me?  We were in the middle of some pretty tall grass and I remembered that I should use that mosquito spray that Jed bought at Wal-Mart.

Obviously, if you hadn’t been trained in the arts of speaking “South-ese,” open communing with your listener would rather painful and maybe even impossible.  But I don’t want to jab my spurs just at the residents of the South.  Come back next time to see how those “up Nort’” talk just “aboot” everything.

Until later . . .

P.S. For more relational fodder (tid-bits for mauling over) click around on some of the tags on the side.  Wanna do me a favor?  Pass my post or blog on to your friends or spouse.  I’d love to get your feedback … what would you like to see me write about … what is your favorite posting … etcetera!!!  To reply, click here or scroll down to the ”Leave a Reply” box.                 

Whatcha Sayin’? #1

He says ... She says

Language is everything … well almost.  Language, or communication rather, is probably one of the longest know components of our universe…besides God.  God communicated his desires/thoughts and they became a reality as he created the universe. 

Do you ever feel like you try to communicate something to your spouse and they just don’t seem to understand you…for just about anything…like you’re speaking a foreign language?  Maybe you use the same consonants and vowels or the same syllables…maybe even the same words.  But for some reason, your desires/thoughts/feelings just aren’t perceived or understood by your other-half.  I say maybe because maybe you’re from one area and they are from somewhere else (no not Mars).

Do you ever find that they speak a different language than you do?  In my next couple of posts, I’ll show you a rather illustrative example of how “English” can be really confusing. 

Until later . . .

P.S. For more relational fodder (tid-bits for mauling over) click around on some of the tags on the side.  Wanna do me a favor?  Pass my post or blog on to your friends or spouse.  I’d love to get your feedback … what would you like to see me write about … what is your favorite posting … etcetera!!!  To reply, click here or scroll down to the ”Leave a Reply” box.

Not Just Playin’ Dress Up

Yowza

Last time I mentioned going-out-on-the-town.  I’m not talking about taking your precious to the local family restaurant for the nightly special…I’m talking about letting your precious know how precious they are by the way you dress, the way you walk, talk, and how you treat them in general.  For me, dressing up makes me feel extraordinary. Which in-turn sets the mode for my precious to know how special they are too.  It makes things feel fun. But most importantly, it makes me feel sexy. How ’bout you? When’s the last time you dressed up, felt super-fine, and made your spouse feel great with your willingness to dress up “for” them? 

• Guys: Drop the old button-up shirt, throw on a new shirt, a pair of stylish jeans, and a splash of her favorite cologne and your ready to roll.
• Ladies: Throw on some high heels and a shiny necklace and rock it.

Take it up a sexy notch by leaving the underwear (unless they’re part of the outfit) and you’ll feel sexy for sure!  Halfway through the evening, whisper in your honey’s ear of your underwear’s absence and the evening will go from great to YOWZA!! After you and your sugar go out, be sure to put that spark of fun to good use. Go home, make noise, and start your week/weekend off with a bang. Don’t be afraid to “go down” while getting things “up.” Let me know how you and your precious ring in your year.

Until later . . .

P.S. Want some more? To see a little more about my overall blog, click here. If you want to REPLY to something I’ve written, click here or scroll down to the ”Leave a Reply” box.         

New times…New Year…new you!

Black boots with high heels ... Hmmm

That’s right a new time is here (if you haven’t heard). Can you think of a better time to do something new…new with your sweetums…new in general??? I’m not talking about buying a new pillow or swapping out the sheets. I’m talking about making a time for you and your sweetie to experience a “new…” together.

Throw the past…in the past. Maybe that night shirt too.  You know women, the one you had in high school that has a big picture of Tweety Bird on the front, that’s stretched-out, faded from white to gray. Or men, how about those thread-bare-hole-ridden pair of streaked Fruit of the Looms that you’ve been too cheap to throw away. Make a change. Take your relationship in an “up” direction.

How you say? Farm the kids out for an hour…an evening…a weekend, plan a date that’s new (a night of dancing, working together at the soup kitchen, go to a park and fly a kite, walk you local cemetery, etc.), and then come home and stir up some wild-curl-your-toes-sex. Be creative and break out of the hum-drum and make memories. What do you think; is that possible for you?

Until later . . .

P.S. Want some more? To see a little more about my overall blog, click here. If you want to REPLY to something I’ve written, click here or scroll down to the ”Leave a Reply” box.